ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
