he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
