u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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