Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
