i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
