Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize