The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
