I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
