i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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