last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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