Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
