Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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