my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
