one two three fourrrrnication!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
