Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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