at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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