pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
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I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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