can u get pink eye on your cock?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
