I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
