sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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