i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We need to get me chipped asap
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
