everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sobbing to NWA
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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