Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
