I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
