he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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