the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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