i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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