awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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