goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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