Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
