i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
