The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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