I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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