i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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