yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
