I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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