Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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