could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
