I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
