Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His nipple licking is glorious
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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