i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
please come you make the beer taste better
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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