woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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