i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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