Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
