Best friends brother. Beat that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
