Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
