he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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