He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
