i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
