have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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