You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
