Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
