M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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