I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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