No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
