So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
