if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
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