Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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