her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
