Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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