i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
