I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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