Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
