please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
