I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
