I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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