you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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