I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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