Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
