I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
