I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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