I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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